


Toxicity (When the world was set on fire, We...)

by jamfullife



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Can't You See Me M/V Inspired, Depictions of Abusive Friendships, Depictions of Toxic Friendships, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Major Angst Fest, Mental Health Issues, My First Work in This Fandom, The music video was really good so this was made, kind of, kind of?, maybe fluff?, teenagers just being unstable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamfullife/pseuds/jamfullife
Summary: They sat alone, torn apart and damaged. They couldn't help but wonder… Where had it all gone wrong? What turns friendship into pain? Weren't they supposed to be friends forever?This is how everything burned to ashes.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	1. Signs and Symptoms

**Author's Note:**

> Uh… so TXT’s mv for can’t you see me brought up a lot of memories of my past toxic/ abusive friendships… and so this happened. I should be finishing other projects rn but… feelings dictate my life. Also this is the first work i’ve ever done for TXT so be kind bc this is just angsty and introspective, so this is pretty much only based on the mv.

>   
>  “Hey, Hey! Guys, I have a great idea. Let’s all promise, that no matter what, through thick and thin, we’ll stay friends. Y’know, so that way we can grow old and still be buddies. When we have our own families, or when we can barely still walk, we’ll know that we still have friends that care about us out there.” - Before the world was on fire...  
> 

It was a normal Saturday, and that meant going over to Soobin’s house, because it would be empty and they could be as rowdy as they wanted. Besides, Soobin liked the company. It’s not like they got to see each other at school anymore. While it was a bummer, they still hung out almost every day and the weekends were sacred for them. The five of them had been friends for a long time, although Beomgyu, Kai, and Yeonjun had been friends for longer, Soobin and Taehyun had fit right in.

“I’ll ring the bell,” Beomgyu said, holding the food. 

“You could just walk in, it’s not like he keeps it locked,” Yeonjun scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

Taehyun stayed behind them, and Kai was to Beomgyu’s left, as they all stared at the door waiting for Soobin to show up. A second later, the door opened, and Soobin smiled at them. 

“Come on in, guys! The kitchen is stocked and ready to go!” he said, welcoming them. 

They boys whooped in cheer, and rushed to the kitchen immediately.

Soobin watched them run in, and locked the door behind them. It’s not like anyone else would be coming home today. It was just him, and the friends who had come over to keep him company.

“Let’s make some cookies, I’m in the mood for them.” Taehyun suggested, looking to Soobin for permission. 

“Oh hell yeah! I’m so down,” Yeonjun exclaimed, punching his fist into the air. Soobin laughed and nodded. 

“That’s cool, we have some frozen gingerbread dough in the freezer. Pop them in the oven and they’re done.”

“Dang, you really _were_ prepared today,” Kai laughed, leaning over the counter. 

Soobin walked over to the fridge, and grabbed the dough out of the freezer. “Yeah, I had some time the other night to head to the store, so I went all out. Y’know, we need some fuel for finals coming up,” he reasoned. That, and the grocery budget for him this month had plenty money left and he knew he’d never eat enough to get through it, even with his appetite. 

“Oh man, does that mean…?” Kai trailed off, bouncing up and down. 

Soobin rolled his eyes. “Yes, Kai. I got you that strawberry cake thing you like.” He pulled that out of the fridge too, and let Kai snatch it up. 

“Ha, you’d think he’s your favorite the way you spoil him,” Beomgyu poked, giving an amused face. 

“Maybe he is,” Soobin teased, shrugging. Beomgyu pursed his lips and let the joke fall flat. 

“Well I’ll start the cookies. What’s on the agenda for today?” 

Soobin moved forward, quickly disregarding the awkward moment. “I don’t know, there’s that movie you guys wanted to watch, right?” He suggested, feeling embarrassed. He usually didn’t want to make suggestions on what to do. Yeonjun and Beomgyu were better at that. 

“Oh, yeah!” Yeonjun responded. “Taehyun told me the other day that he’s never seen _Spirited Away_. Can you believe that?” Taehyun flushed slightly at Yeonjun’s callout, complete with an accusatory point in his direction. 

“I’ve just never had the chance I guess.” He said. 

“It’s ‘cause of your crazy parents,” Yeonjun said bluntly. “They don’t let you do shit.” 

Taehyun furrowed his brow and frowned. “They’re not crazy. Just… Protective.” 

Kai laughed, “Yeah sure, and my parents are sober,” he rolled his eyes. The room turned a little colder. 

Taehyun frowned harder and crossed his arms. “At least I have parents.” 

Beomgyu froze. 

Yeonjun burst out laughing, and said, “Damn, that’s savage, Taehyun! Who was that meant for? Beom? Soobin? Even Kai could take a little of that burn.” 

Taehyun blanched, and put his hands up in apology, “I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant-”

“Whatever,” Beomgyu cut in, looking bored. “I’m not sensitive about it anyway. Gran’s more than enough.” 

“Yeah who’d want a whore for a mom anyway,” Kai said, eating his cake. 

Beomgyu bit the inside of his cheek. “Let’s not talk about my whore of a mother, because then we’d be obligated to comment on Kai’s druggie parents and that just seems like a bad idea. We might hurt his feelings,” he snapped. 

Soobin looked between the two of them, and wondered if he should say something. Clearly, both comments were uncalled for, but no one would want him to say anything. It wasn’t his place. 

Yeonjun giggled and began to raid the cabinet. “True, Kai is a bit of a crybaby, so let’s leave the parent talk for the therapy none of us will ever get!” He pulled out a bag of chips and tossed it to Beomgyu. “Here, snack on these and take a chill pill. And Kai, be a good boy and eat your cake, huh?” 

The room seemed to be a little less tense. 

“I’ll finish the cookies, so you guys get the movie set up,” Taehyun said, and everyone else walked to the living room. 

Taehyun pulled his phone out and texted his parents that he safely got to Soobin’s house. They were protective, but they let him do things. Well… He did have to fib a bit and convince them Soobin’s parents were home, but otherwise, they were normal parents. They just wanted him to grow up right. He didn’t want the rest of the guys to pick on him for it though. So, he quickly put his phone away. 

The oven dinged, and Taehyun quickly grabbed a mitt and pulled the cookies out. 

“Cookies are done! Who wants some?” Taehyun called. 

“I do!” Beomgyu called. 

“Yeah me too!” Yeonjun parroted. “Oh, and Soobin does too!” 

Taehyun yelled back he’d bring it to them, and then pulled out some napkins. 

\-------------------

The movie started, and quickly, Kai paused it. 

“We should take a picture, y’know to commemorate Taehyun seeing Spirited Away for the first time!”

Everyone agreed, and Kai quickly pulled his phone out, and set up the picture. 

“Smile, uglies!” He called out, everyone laughing. 

Yeonjun let Kai back onto the couch, and shoved him lightly. “Rude to call us ugly, if it’s you then we can’t say much in return, model boy.” 

Kai sniffed haughtily. “That’s why I said it.”

“Rude,” Taehyun poked. “I’m at least good looking.” 

“Of course you are, sweetie,” Beomgyu sarcastically comforted. 

Yeonjun ripped the remote out of Kai’s hands. “Let’s start the movie, slowpokes.”

As the movie played, Soobin and Taehyun were dutifully watching as Beomgyu, Kai, and Yeonjun were loudly screaming about the movie. The two were gracious about it though. 

“Hey, does anyone smell that?” Soobin asked. 

“Shit! I left the oven on!” Taehyun jumped. 

Soobin chuckled and got up. “No worries, I got it.” Soobin walked into the kitchen and turned the oven off. He pulled out his phone, and checked instagram. Already, Kai had uploaded their picture from earlier. 

_“These guys are my pals, even if Taehyun is uncultured enough to have never seen Spirited Away. We fixed that today!”_

Soobin was cut out of the photo. 

Maybe that was for the best. He felt bloated today anyway. Besides, he was probably sitting too far away from Taehyun, and the picture was about him. Soobin didn’t need to be in the photo. 

He went back to watch the movie, and on the way, he put his phone on silent.


	2. Rumors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, words do break bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments! Keep them coming, I love to read them! Now that Puma MV is out, I am seriously considering doing another fic with TXT after I finish this. It would be totally different though! If you're interested let me know!

>   
>  “Sometimes I wish he’d just keep his mouth shut… I mean, he’s funny and all, but doesn’t he know when to quit? I know I should just tell him to be quiet, but wouldn’t that just make it worse? He’s immature, and usually I don’t mind it, but in these moments, man I wish he’d just grow up.” - Dancing fire at the end of the world…  
> 

Soobin checked his phone again. No messages. It was starting to become more and more normal for no one to talk to him. Usually Taehyun would at least ask him how his day was, the other boy being a bit more sensitive to those sort of things, but that was sorely missing nowadays. Maybe it was because of finals? But usually they’d all be eagerly making summer plans so they could have motivation to get through all of the revising they had to do.

Was something up with the others?

What if they were all texting each other without him?

Soobin grimaced, trying not to believe the anxious thought. 

They were busy. That’s it. 

Maybe they’d finally gotten tired of Soobin. All of the food and hospitality he’d given them wasn’t enough anymore. Soobin was boring and indecisive, and they’d gotten tired of him. 

Soobin checked instagram. 

None of his friends had uploaded anything. 

He should just message one of them. That would fix it. 

But what if he was bothering them? It was finals after all, and not everyone was lucky enough to not need to revise math. He’d be making a nuisance of himself, and then they would start to hate him. 

Waiting was the best option. 

\--------------  
“ _I_ wanted to wait until after your exams were over, but your father decided now was better,” his mom griped.

“We both agreed on today, don’t lie to him,” his father growled. 

Yeonjun stared back.

“So a divorce?” He said simply.

“Yes, we are going to be signing the papers sometime this week,” his mother said coldly, offering no sympathy. 

“Tomorrow.” His father stated aggressively. 

Yeonjun shrugged and got up to walk away. 

“Okay, whatever. If that’s what you guys want,” Yeonjun acquiesced. 

“Don’t you have any questions? Like about custody?” His mom stopped him verbally. 

“What question is there, it should be shared custody, fifty-fifty for us both.” His father squinted at his mother. 

“That wouldn’t be good for his education, you know that-”

“Are you planning to steal custody right out from under me!?” His father stood up to tower over his mom. His mother stood to match him. 

“Now that is unfair wording and you-”

Yeonjun walked back to his room. His parents were stupid.  
\---------------------

Kai was failing.

There was no way he’d be able to pass this exam. 

The house was quiet, but it usually was at this time of day. His mom would be shooting up or riding the high, and his father would be out selling stuff for at least another hour. His room was clean, but it was the only room that was. The rest of the house was dirty and Kai certainly couldn’t go anywhere else to study. 

Like it would even help. He was doomed to fail. 

“Kai!” His mother yelled. 

“What!?” He yelled back, confused. 

“Come here!” 

Kai pulled himself off the floor of his room and trudged to where his mother was laying on the couch. Surrounded by drugs. 

“What do you want, Mom?” He asked, already annoyed with her. 

“Grab me the ‘codone. The come down is probably gonna hurt this time,” she slurred. 

Kai rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen to the cabinet and pulled out her usual bottle. He poured out her usual dosage and then went to close the bottle. 

He paused for a moment. 

Before his better judgement could take over, he poured out a little more. He slipped the extra into his pocket gently and closed the bottle. 

“Here,” he gave his mother her usual dose and retreated to his room. His heart was beating faster than usual, and he hated everything just enough at the moment that he slipped the pill out of his pocket. 

He’d seen it’s effects on his mom. Maybe… it’d just take the edge off. He was feeling lonely and studying was impossible right now. 

Maybe he should call Soobin. Soobin would help. 

But Soobin was likely busy and right now… Right now Kai didn’t want to stop.

He grabbed his bottle of water from the floor and quickly took the pill. 

Kai sat down and waited for it to hit. 

And when it did, he _felt_ it. 

\---------------------------------

“Taehyun, sweetie, let me know if you need anything!” 

“Thanks Mom, I will!” Taehyun answered. He stretched in his seat, and picked up his phone. Beomgyu had texted him. Ever since his faux pas at Soobin’s house, Taehyun had been a little extra nice to Beomgyu to make up for it. The other boy had taken to the attention like a moth to a flame. 

Taehyun didn’t mind it, he enjoyed texting and chatting with Beomgyu. Especially with the heaps of studying his parents were making him do, Beomgyu was a great distraction to break up the monotony. He was funny, and they had a lot of things in common. Taehyun liked all of his friends, probably would go far enough to say he loved them, even if they were difficult sometimes. 

He answered Beomgyu’s text, which was an invitation to hang out together after finals. He answered that he’d love to hang out, he’d just have to make sure he was free that day. 

Truthfully, he knew he was free, but he’d have to ask his Mother first, and her answer mattered more than his schedule did. 

Besides, they were still planning on hanging out at Soobin’s house this weekend, so they’d see each other even if Taehyun couldn’t take Beomgyu up on his offer. 

Taehyun put his phone down before he got too distracted. Wouldn’t want his parents to see him off-task. 

\----------------------------------

Yeonjun rang the doorbell this time, Taehyun and Beomgyu next to each other behind him. Kai was off to the left, looking rather spacey. Yeonjun figured that finals probably rocked his shit. 

Soobin peered through the peephole and smiled in relief. His friends had come this weekend. Like any other weekend. They hadn’t all ditched him. 

He had been right to wait in silence. 

Soobin opened the door and greeted them. 

“God, finals sucked,” Yeonjun started, seemingly unconcerned with the stale air around them. 

Soobin nodded and commiserated, “Yeah, it kind of exhausted me. This whole week I just wanted to sleep.” He didn’t say that the anxiety of his thoughts were what really had been bothering him, but that was neither here nor there. Telling them would just make them feel bad and it wasn’t their job to check on him. 

Yeonjun groaned loudly, “I know! At least you get some peace and quiet here, Soobin. As boring as it must be, I kind of envy it.” 

Soobin ignored his chest weighing down on him from the comment. It was only quiet here because his parents ignored him. Didn’t care enough to come home between most business trips. He usually saw them once a month, if that. It was deafening silent in the house when his friends were gone. Soobin hated the quiet. 

“Why?” Soobin asked, keeping his voice amicable. Yeonjun didn’t deserve to be snapped at. He didn’t know how much the peace and quiet in his house was hated. 

“God, my parents never shut up! They’re so loud, and they never listen to me when I tell them to quiet down. Studying is pretty hard when your parents are trying to rip each other’s heads off just a door away.” Yeonjun complained, beelining to the kitchen. 

Immediately Soobin’s stomach dropped. He felt awful. Here he was, complaining about how lonely he was when clearly Yeonjun was dealing with so much worse. 

Soobin knew Yeonjun’s parents were always on thin ice with each other, but last he’d heard, they’d been pretty okay with each other. Clearly that had changed. Had something Yeonjun done been the catalyst again this time? Or was it just some off-hand comment the other took too harshly? It was endless, the possibilities for why they suddenly hated each other again, and Yeonjun again had to deal with it. 

Soobin let the guilt eat at him a bit. Yeonjun probably hadn’t messaged him any because he was too busy dealing with that nonsense. Soobin let himself feel a bit of relief among the guilt, because he wasn’t the reason for the radio silence. 

“That stinks, at least finals are over now,” Taehyun added in, leading everyone else into the kitchen behind Yeonjun. 

“Hell yeah! And now we can just hang together! No school holding us back!” Yeonjun cheered, opening Soobin’s fridge. He stared into the shelves and turned to Soobin and scoffed, “Damn Soobin, even _you_ can forget to eat when you concentrate.” He jeered. 

Soobin jerked at the comment. 

“Huh?” he said, his heart beating in his throat. 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and gestured to the fridge. “You have the same leftovers and food from last week, and nothing’s been touched. If you ate anything this week, you must’ve ordered out.” 

Soobin knew he was right. He’d been so eaten up with worry and guilt that he hadn’t felt hungry at all, and when he tried to eat a little, he just threw it back up. He’d started chewing gum just to help with nervous energy. Soobin tried to save the conversation. 

“I just ordered in a lot. I had some fast food cravings while studying, so I went a little crazy this week.” He shrugged it off. He hoped it fooled them. 

Yeonjun chuckled and with a mischievous face peered at Soobin a little closer. “You must have, because you look kinda bloated. Must be from all the salt you had.” 

Soobin cringed internally. His bloating was more likely from all the throwing up, but he couldn’t tell him that. 

“Yeonjun, that’s rude,” Taehyun admonished, leaning over the island with his phone.

“What?” Yeonjun raised an eyebrow, “You think Soobin’s that sensitive? Pathetic.” Soobin wasn’t sure if the last word was targeted at him or Taehyun, but either way, he felt his confidence curl in to hide away. 

Beomgyu, who’d been glued to his phone beside Taehyun looked up and sneered. “How about you shut your mouth Yeonjun?” He looked up from his phone and squinted at Yeonjun, “You’re being fucking annoying. As usual.” 

“Jesus,” Yeonjun’s nose scrunched, like he smelled something bad, but Soobin noticed his hands shaking beside his legs. The counter hid from everyone else. “You guys are so boring. Can’t take a joke. This is why we’re your only friends, Beomgyu. Because nobody likes you.” 

Soobin’s jaw dropped slightly at Yeonjun’s words. 

He wanted them to stop saying such awful things, but what if that made them mad? He was terrified of that. 

Beomgyu chuckled and smirked. “What’s wrong Yeonjun? Can’t take what you dish out? Pathetic.” He spat out, and even Taehyun was looking at the two of them like they were bombs about to go off. Soobin peeked at Kai, who was just staring out the window like he couldn’t even hear what was going on. Maybe he was too uncomfortable to even acknowledge it. 

“How about you do everyone a favor and fuck off until you can con both of your parents into giving you enough money to buy a better personality? The current model you have sucks.” Beomgyu smiled. The look was enough to make Soobin step back a little. 

Yeonjun’s hands curled into fists and Soobin knew he was holding himself back from hitting Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu peered down and saw it, and decided to go a step further. 

“What? You gonna hit me? Nothing my dad didn’t do. So go ahead, hit me.” 

Yeonjun bit the inside of his cheek and forced himself to calm down. Hitting him wouldn’t be enough. People heal from bruises, but words? _Those_ fuck you up for life. And Yeonjun knew exactly where to hit. 

“I don’t need to hit you. You already do a good enough job hurting yourself, _cutter_.” 

Beomgyu froze. 

Yeonjun smiled and began to leave. 

“Maybe next time don’t pick a fight with someone who has a better weapon, dumbass. Remember? I have a gun and you, as expected, have a _knife_.” 

And he slammed Soobin’s door behind him. 

The kitchen was silent. 

Soobin didn’t move, he couldn’t look at Beomgyu. He didn’t want to know what his face looked like right now. 

“Soobin?” Taehyun spoke softly. Soobin looked up to see Beomgyu hiding in Taehyun’s arms. “I’m gonna take him home, okay?” Soobin nodded as Taehyun slowly led Beomgyu outside. He heard the door softly close behind them. 

What on Earth had just happened? 

Soobin looked behind him and saw Kai still staring off into the distance. He furrowed his brow and walked over to him. 

“Kai?” Soobin said, lightly touching Kai’s shoulder. Rather than snapping out of whatever stupor he was in, Kai just turned to look at Soobin slowly, like nothing had just happened. 

“Are- are you okay?” Soobin asked, scared. Kai just goofily smiled and nodded sloppily. 

Soobin gasped. 

“Are you… High?” He asked, fearing the worst. 

Kai concentrated for a moment and nodded, “I’m fairly tall.” 

Soobin would’ve laughed under any other circumstance. But this was no laughing matter. 

Soobin had made Kai promise to call him anytime he felt an urge to try the drugs in his house. There were so many, and Kai had called him more than once to be persuaded to stop. 

Soobin had failed him. 

“Why didn’t you call?” he asked. 

Kai just looked at him like he couldn’t comprehend the words.

“I’m getting you sober, Kai. I promised you I would.” Soobin pulled Kai in for a hug, and Kai willingly reciprocated. 

Soobin knew he’d have to do this alone. No one else was in the right headspace to help, not to mention Soobin was beginning to seriously doubt he could trust any of them with this kind of information. Soobin didn’t want them to ever use it to hurt Kai in the future. 

Kai was like the little brother Soobin never had, and he wouldn’t abandon him. Even if everyone already pretty much had. 

“This is gonna be a long week.”


End file.
